The Back Up Plan

An update on the job front:

Well, friends. Not that it matters, but I think I’m going to pull my application off the web for a teaching job this fall. This would be crazy if they were, in fact, offering jobs. I had a rough day this week with Ava and it was a real eye-opening experience for me. The past 3, almost 4 weeks I’ve spent alone with Ava while Curt is in Las Vegas and while she’s easy and basically trouble free, doing it alone is hard. There, I said it. I’m not Wonder Woman. And while I’m just letting it all out, the past 2.5 years of her life have been a roller coaster of ups and downs. Some days I can do it all and others, well, let’s just say showers and teeth brushing are considered personal triumphs in my list of things I accomplished each day. Between deployments, Weapons School, and the 14+ hour days Curt puts into work, I’m just exhausted in every sense of the word.

So, while I feel like a massive failure who has given up, I need to just put that part of my life behind me, and move on. I’m so envious of all the military spouses out there who manage a career and a young kid at home...all while their husband is away. YOU are Super Woman.

Honestly, I’ve been losing sleep over what is to come over the next year for our family. I don’t have a crystal ball but it looks like a big move and, god-willing, another baby for our family. With so many changes happening, I need to just back off the quest to find the perfect job and know that someday in the future, I’ll be back where to work. Some days, I regret not getting right back to work once we moved to North Carolina and at the same time, I know deep down inside if I did spend the past 1.5 years working, I’d regret not spending that time with Ava and our family here in Pennsylvania. Is the grass ever greener?

I have a few back up plans that might work well to satiate my need to be with Ava and work at the same time. I might see if I could be an aide in a preschool that she attends. I might also see if I could work as an aide in an elementary school. While my degree and experience says I can and have handled much more, it would be so nice to know that my work starts in the classroom and ENDS in the classroom. No grading, no planning, no meetings, no extra duties... You get the idea. Of course my inner control freak will be bouncing off the walls when things aren’t being done the way I would do them, but I’d be working. See friends, it’s all about compromise.

Does any of this make sense?

The good news is that my amazingly supportive husband is happy with whatever I choose. If I want to sit on my butt and send Ava to preschool each day while I eat bon-bons on the couch and watch Bravo, he’d say, “Do what makes you happy!”. (Note: that won’t make me happy, but you get the idea...) Might I add that it’s a wonderful thing that I have the choice to work or not to work. (Although, I do remember the days of living in England with dual incomes and COLA. AKA: The Glory Days.) Our financial security is thanks to the hard work Curt puts into his job each and every day. The Air Force has been so great to our family and for that, I’m very thankful. We have a (brand new) roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our backs, and a Chanel bag in my closet. Amen.

So, the job hunt, I think?, continues. I will keep you posted on what lies ahead.

Military friends: Do you ever find yourself in situations like these? I feel like some days I’m in a war with myself over what I need to do!